Canadian Jokes
Do you have a Canadian joke to share? Please email me with it and I will add it here with credit to you!
JOKE #1
Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Michael the archangel found HER, resting on the seventh day. He inquired of God, "Where have you been?" God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?" "It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place of great balance." "Balance?" inquired Michael, still confused. God explained, pointing to different parts of Earth, "For example, Northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth while Southern Europe is going to be poor; the Middle East over there will be a hot spot. Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people," God continued, pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot and arid while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a large landmass in the top corner and asked, "What's that one?" "Ah," said God. "That's Canada, the most glorious place on Earth. There are beautiful mountains, lakes, rivers, streams and an exquisite coastline. The people from Canada are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world. They'll be extremely sociable, hard working and high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace. I'm also going to give them super-human, undefeatable ice hockey players who will be admired and feared by all who come across them."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed; "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!" God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the loud-mouth bastards I'm putting next to them...."
JOKE #2
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." "Then," asks the teacher, "What are you?" "I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too." The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?" A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be an American."
JOKE #3
A company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search down to three people from different parts of Canada.
In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would get the job.
The question was:
A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman's back. What is the man's name?
After the 24 hours were up, the three people were brought in to give their answers.
The first, from Vancouver, says, "My answer is, there is no answer."
The second, from Toronto, says, "My answer is, that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given."
The third, from Newfoundland, says, "I'm not exactly sure, but I have narrowed it down to two names. It's either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer..."
